11/02/12
my affections for Jesus are easily manipulated by church-going rituals.
i have been a proud participant in a variety of Jesus centered activities, yet with my extroverted personality it so easily can become about eveything but Him.
One of my closest friends and myself used to talk about being refined. It was a word that was spoken to her in a unique way; via facebook. This word captivated me and using it in sentences made me feel clever. Until recently my perception has changed. The word still pulls at my heart but in a very different way.
Refinment has got to be the hardest thing I have ever experienced and am experiencing. Jeff Bucknam, the senior pastor at Northview Church in Abbotosford recently said in a sermon “when people ask me about what God’s doing in their life I tell them, He is taking something that doesn’t look like Jesus (you and I) and refining us so that we will look like him”. Ouch. Continually this seems to be the state of my heart and mind. There’s yellow tape all around me “Caution”, im under mass construction. If people have ever told you that Jesus is a crutch, he has got to be the worst one Ever thought of! It’s not made easy, its not light rather its provoking, and demands everything. Sometimes I wish that the gospel was presented with the call, reciving it starts in dismay, it begins with repentance. Almost eveything I do as a Christian is being questioned. I don’t mind, I actually love questioning. But its made it hard, becuase built up walls are being torn down and the once crumbly foundation is being splattered with roots of righteouness. It’s like the Lord is convincing me. The truth of knowing Jesus and his Father is not just a ‘yes sounds good to me’ deal, its a life changing reality that calls for alot. The Lord has presneted his pitch. My life is in his hands. That means I am not in control. It means its about Him. It means rituals are turning into life engaging meetings and doctor appointments. It means I AM LOVED.
this is the rambeling of my heart.
you can email me shinae@hotmail.com
